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How this remodel forced me to love myself

Remodeling our house (twice) taught me to love myself and my body unconditionally.

It also taught me:

– What a rock solid relationship I have with my husband

– Who my true friends really are

– And how strong I am

I will never be the same again.

In June I will finally be moving home to my beautiful new house and chef’s kitchen and I couldn’t be more excited! But I also wanted to share how much this whole experience has changed and moved me. 

We were supposed to move home in April 2018, but in March 2018—one month before we were scheduled to move home—we discovered that our ground floor hadn’t been floated/leveled, and the brand new cabinets had a 1-inch shim (piece of wood) exposed at the bottom. (Nobody had pointed out that the toe kick was already in).

The contractor and designer tried to convince me to accept all this—they planned to just add a “skin” to our brand new high-gloss cabinets to cover up the bottoms. Everyone knows that it would’ve started peeling off in about 12 months! They also tried to get me to accept counters which were all different heights and an island that was 37 1/2 inches tall instead of 36 inches. My followers know that the inspiration for my new kitchen and island (and why I hired a “kitchen designer” in the first place) was to cook/bake/blog… and ROLL DOUGH. And for bakers, the lower the counter the better. I felt conflicted about being difficult or acting like a prima donna.

And then…

It was no longer my decision to accept it or not, because it was discovered that they had cut the post-tension cables in our slab. This is a GIANT no-no and would have put us in grave danger in the event of an earthquake. (Our house is on the top of a mountain so the concrete was poured over post-tension cables to allow for movement)

Everything had to be ripped out. Every. Single. Thing. Including my beautiful, irreplaceable tile floor. We had to start all over again!

I cannot possibly convey the level of fear, distress, and stress that this put us under. 

But we found a slew of incredibly kind and knowledgeable people who were determined to make it right. In the process we discovered way more defects—THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN to be exact.

God was watching over us because had we moved home last year we could have been harmed in innumerable ways.

Anyway, this post is not actually about the remodel. That is just what happened on the outside. What happened inside me is that I had to dig really deep and figure out why I had allowed people to treat me that way. I trusted them and listened to them and didn’t stand up for myself; because I didn’t feel worthy or deserving. I let myself go back to my old ways of feeling bad about myself—feeling sad that some people in my life weren’t treating me kindly and were judging me for how I look, act, or whatever else they chose to judge me for.

But I learned that only I can allow myself to feel this way. I can choose to feel happy, beautiful, worthy, or judged by others. I have finally learned that other people’s opinions of me TRULY do not matter. What matters is the people whom I love and who love me unconditionally. 

The one thing that has kept me sane through all the stress has been my standing 8:30am workout on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays at Hardcore Pilates. I love each and every instructor and all the compassionate, strong, incredible ladies that I work out with. And I love my body. It is strong and it is beautiful. Exactly the way it is.

My amazing girlfriends (you know who you are) have been there for me every single day. They helped me with my child when I was stuck at a million meetings and just couldn’t get back in time. They gave me a shoulder to cry on and even dropped homemade chicken soup at my door when I was sick and sad.

My husband, Sam, is my rock. He is the most incredible, brilliant, resourceful, wonderful man. Tomorrow happens to be his birthday. Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I am SO excited for our brand new chapter and moving home with you and our beautiful daughter!!!

Stay tuned for posts and pics when we move!!! (What should I bake/post first: updated Crunchies or Bulkas? Please write me or comment below!)

Tons of love,


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